Inspired by some pals I admire, I took a break from social media over the past few weeks. I deleted Facebook and Instagram from my phone shortly after Christmas and it’s been…well, I can’t call it eye-opening, because I don’t think I’m surprised by anything, but it sure has been *something*.

The first (embarrassing) thing was that I realized my thumbs had essentially established muscle memory to open up those apps as soon as I touched my phone and start mindlessly scrolling. It took more days than I’d care to count before I stopped automatically reaching for those apps, but I’m hoping I’ll keep it in mind going forward and not fall back into that sort of habit.

I found myself filling my time in different ways, though to be clear, I don’t think they qualify as more “mindful” activities. (I’ve been playing a LOT of Stardew Valley and Baldur’s Gate 3.) When I have just a few minutes, I still seek something to fill the space, whether its the NY Times Games or some very simple color sorting/match app. I tried replacing that with the reading app on my phone, but reading in small bursts has never been my jam–I’m far more likely to start a book and then stay up until 1 AM to finish it.

I HAVE noticed a shift in my brain and my heart– I have been generally happier without all the social media scrolling, and my attention span/focus has improved  (I can JUST watch TV without also doing 7 other things). I’ve still been sharing about my life with people, I’ve just been far more intentional about it. Instead of checking to see who has liked or commented on my posts or viewed or loved my stories, I’m engaging in  genuine conversations with the friends I’ve texted or called. And THAT feels really good.

I’ve also noticed less anger and outrage. I’ve kept up with the news, but not doom scrolling through several iterations of the same information has definitely allowed me to process things in a calmer way. I also feel like I have a better grasp on the concept (fact?) that other people’s opinions and what they choose to do with their own lives truly does not have an impact on me or what happens in my life (aside from, you know, the people in charge of our government). I have surrounded myself with people I love and admire, people who make me laugh and listen to me vent, people who play board games and DND with me, people who know I prefer the little fork and the big wine glass, people who I never worry are mad at me because I know they wouldn’t hesitate to tell me if they were. I don’t need to get worked up over the opinion or choices of people who aren’t part of my life in that way, and it’s okay to feel however I feel about things, and then to simply move on.

I do, however, miss the connection to all the awesome people who aren’t part of that immediate circle, and it’s ultimately what’s bringing me back. I love seeing what’s happening in other circles, in other friends and families’ lives, and I love the conversations that can spark with someone I might not be regularly engaging with. I miss giving and getting recommendations for books or shows or products, and I *really* miss sharing hilarious memes and reels (shout out to everyone who has been sending me things all along–I’m looking forward to going through what will be a very curated feed in my Instagram messages!). It’s easy to default to seeing social media as “bad”, but there is so much GOOD buried in there, too.

I’m sharing all of this because I’m also trying to do more things that make me happy without fear of judgement. (Yes, I’ve also been reading The Let Them Theory and really enjoying it.) I often hesitate to write or share something for fear that people will think I’m bragging, or they’ll think it’s stupid, or pointless, or god forbid something I write makes somebody *mad* at me.  My chest is tightening even as I type because I’m just *thinking* about posting this and people reading it and all of those things happening. BUT (thanks, self-help book!), I like reflecting on my life and the world around me, I LIKE sharing it with others, I like when people read what I write. Maybe my best friends will tell me they read it, maybe I’m writing into a void and it doesn’t matter,  or maybe a few people will see themselves in something I’ve written and they’ll feel less alone, and maybe someone will tell me that and then we’ll all feel something good. Whatever the case may be, I’m already feeling better for having written my thoughts down, and I’m proud of that.

So I’m redownloading my social media while attempting to stay in better control, and I’m looking forward to seeing what I’ve missed over the past 3 weeks. I’m looking forward to sharing pictures of dice and cats and books and beers and friends and, of course, Eloise, with my little corner of of the world, and I’m hoping to continue to engage in those authentic conversations about things I love with friends far and wide. And, for some self-accountability, I’ll include that I’m also hoping to write more and share more of that writing, and to keep up the other good habits I’ve started as well. While I’m not a resolutions kind of gal, I do like feeling better and happier in life (duh), and I really like sharing that happiness with others and spreading some joy wherever I can.